too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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