she looked like the before picture.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
