Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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