My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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