Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude. I can hear the air.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
