That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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