Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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