My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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