this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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