I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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