I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
