I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
