My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
