my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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