we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
