I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
