come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
