So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
