Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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