You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
