Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
