Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
