my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
