I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
