i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
