We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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