Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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