Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
