i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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