I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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