i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
