I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
