That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
