Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Are we still banned from the library?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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