Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
