I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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