Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
