I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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