I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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