Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
