are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
