My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
