i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
