So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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