We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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