I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
