Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think i peed on brittanys purse
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I want is dick and wine.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
