I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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