WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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