i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
